While anger is a natural human reaction, for many of us it feels hard to navigate. It can arrive suddenly, before you have time to think, leaving you wondering where it came from or feeling frightened of its intensity. Anger may appear in the form of an icy detachment rather than boiling over. It can sometimes feel as if a different person has stepped in and acted. When anger turns up it can leave behind guilt, confusion or fear about its impact on those around you.
Alternatively, directly expressing anger may have never felt like an option, perhaps because it posed a risk to important relationships, or because it conflicted with your family, social, or cultural values. When communicating anger feels unsafe, it can find indirect outlets. You might notice it being redirected toward situations and people unrelated to where the anger started, because it feels less risky to express there. Or, it may get turned inwards against yourself through self-criticism or self-sabotage.
Sometimes no outlet for anger appears possible, so you may have learned to swallow your anger down instead. When anger is repeatedly buried, however, it doesn’t simply fade away. Instead, it often settles into your body, showing up as physical tension, unexplained ailments, or a flat state of apathy and emotional numbness.
Whether your anger is expressed on the outside, turns inward on yourself or remains hidden - carrying it can cost a great deal. It can deeply affect your personal relationships, your work, your physical health and your relationship with yourself.
In therapy, rather than trying to get rid of anger, we look at what it is trying to tell you. Anger can be a response to injustice: systemic or personal. It may be a sign your boundaries have been crossed or your current needs are not being met. Sometimes past traumatic experiences or early unmet needs are connected with rage, and these can be compassionately attended to in therapy. When anger can be felt and communicated safely it is a vital, constructive force that can help protect us, resolve conflict and bring deeper understanding in our relationships.
If you would like to talk about anger in a confidential setting, you are welcome to get in touch. You can also find further information on my about me and about therapy pages.