Repeated, unwanted relationship patterns can feel like being stuck in a loop. Perhaps this shows up as always taking a particular role in relationships or repeatedly being pulled towards people with certain characteristics. You may find yourself repeatedly on the same trajectory to conflict, or having an impulse to create emotional distance when you want closeness. It may feel difficult to hold on to your needs and sense of choice while in close relationship with others. These dynamics are not always uniform: you may notice a particular pattern only turning up in your romantic relationships, for instance, while never emerging in friendships or at work.
It can be deeply frustrating to notice a pattern, but not feel able to alter it. This gap between seeing the pattern and changing it is not a matter of willpower or intelligence. More often, these responses run deeper than conscious thought, and involve emotional parts of us which need safety and acceptance rather than force or self-discipline in order to begin to change.
I believe that because relationship dynamics are formed by the interplay between your personal history and your natural way of being, they generally cannot be addressed by generic one-size-fits-all techniques. Therefore in therapy we can explore your unique ways of relating, how these may have protected you in the past, and your underlying needs and desires in relationships. Along with understanding your past and present patterns, therapy offers a safe place to discover new ways of connecting and expressing what you need.
If you would like to explore relationship patterns in therapy, you can find out more about therapy with me or contact me to ask a question or arrange an initial consultation.